I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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