No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize