You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
