Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
