I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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