Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we made out on top of his cat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
