i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
