I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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