Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
