Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
