Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
