I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
