I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
