guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
