remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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