Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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