so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
