i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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