I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
