He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
