that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
