I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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