I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You made out with two different species that night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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