You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
