opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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