so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
