chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
