I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
