Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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