Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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