Whod you bang
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
