The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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