I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
