She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
