Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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