I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
