you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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