chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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