what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
