Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
