I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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