Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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