he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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