If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
