Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So many bounce houses so little time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
