I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
