Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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