i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
