I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why do cheetos always look like penises
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Randomize
