Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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