I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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