so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How external is "for external use only"?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
