I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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