hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
