I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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