I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
