hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
