Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
