We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
don't judge my taste in strippers
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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