I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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