if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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