how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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