What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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