I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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