Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
COCAINE IS GR8
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
