dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
