we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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