i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
