one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
