i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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