3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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