I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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