yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
