so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
