I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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